You probably know the list that we’re talking about. It’s the one that contains all the characteristics of the partner of your dreams, the one with whom you know you’ll experience happiness forever after. It’s the list that contains your personal requirements in terms of looks, financial fitness, interests, personality, education, health, personal and family history, religion, ethnicity, relationship history, and any other aspects of your ideal partner’s life that you consider essential to a fulfilling relationship.

Of course not everyone has all of the aforementioned factors on their list. Some of those factors are irrelevant to some people, and other folks have concerns that don’t show up on this list. As it turns out, it’s not as much what is on the list as what isn’t on the list that this article is about. Not that there are specific things that you need to have on your list (although you may have friends who think that there are), but in addition to the priorities that we are aware of, there are also, what we call “shadow priorities,” that are less apparent to us.