September will always be back-to-school season in my mind – the sadness of summer ending, the excitement of seeing old friends again. All of those memories from childhood are good to hold onto. Some things from childhood are best left behind, however, such as childhood wounds. They represent a heavy book bag that weighs you down even in adulthood – and they can bring your relationship down, too.

In my decades as a marriage and family therapist, I have encountered innumerable couples and individuals whose emotional baggage from childhood harms their current relationship. They can’t figure out why they keep having the same arguments or why little annoyances erupt into huge fights. In our sessions, I often find that the solution is something I call “reality testing.”