What if I told you you’re perfect exactly as you are? Would you believe me? How could I know if you were perfect, you wonder? I have never even seen you. I don’t know what you look like, how big your nose is, what kind of job you have, how much you weigh, if you have stretch marks or cellulite, how much money you have in your bank account, what kind of car you drive or clothes you wear, if you have scars, fake hair, if you need a cleanse, or what other people think about you. What if I told you there is one diet you could go on that would help build your self-esteem and miraculously make you feel better about who you are and what you have? That it could make you feel more attractive, lovable, capable, and worthy? That it could lessen depression and malaise and make you feel special and unique, could help you focus better, achieve your goals, and even give you more time to pursue your dreams. Would you believe me?

I used to watch TV. I watched it quite religiously, in fact. I watched I Dream of Jeannie, Bewitched, cartoons, and M.A.S.H. I was a devotee when television and actors’ sole purpose was to entertain you. And my parents read the paper because they believed they were going to be informed about important and current events. And then something shifted.

I can remember exactly where I was and what I was doing the day I noticed the shift too. I was watching All My Children; Erika Kane was going to jail (again), this time for murder. I was spellbound. Then a commercial break came on. It was Farah Fawcett doing a Wella hair commercial. She ran her hands through her perfectly feathered hair and I remembered thinking, Wow…I wish my hair looked like that! ‘Cause if my hair looked like that, if I had feathered hair, then maybe I would look prettier and…ooh, oh, the commercial break was over. There was Erika, rich and beautiful and in jail, in full makeup. I wondered. Wow, they let you wear makeup in jail? That’s pretty cool, I guess. I knew she wouldn’t be in jail long, ‘cause, ya know, she was Erika, and she was rich and beautiful and people who are rich and beautiful don’t stay in jail. Even if they murder someone. Everyone runs around and gets all the richest, most powerful people together and gets them out.