In the 1980s, I had a challenging time in my partnership when I had very little time with my husband due to his demanding career and the needs of three small children. Putting a bubble around our partnership in the precious little time we did have is what kept us from going the way of the divorce statistics.
Coming back to my commitment gave me strength when I felt weak and wounded. I constantly checked in with myself to see if I could stay in a marriage that had no resemblance to what I really wanted. I knew that I would survive if I decided on separation and divorce, but I repeatedly made the choice to stay. In very dark moments, I diagnosed myself as masochistic and wondered if my self-esteem was falling so low that this was all I thought I deserved.
Our Couple Bubble
But then the deep love Charlie and I had for each other would emerge in a magic moment of connection that reminded me of why we were together. We designated time each week when I would set aside my anger and resentments, and Charlie would set aside his preoccupation with work. At this time, we would make a meaningful, intimate connection. We would both bring a clear intention that we wouldn’t contaminate this loving time. Our talking and touching usually led to sexual communication that was deeply fulfilling. His unpleasant, arrogant, dominating macho persona would be absent during our lovemaking, and I opened up in his presence. He was always sensitive, respectful, patient, and caring. Without words, which so often sabotaged our connection, touch became the communication that bonded us.
