Home Family & SocietyFamily Dynamics Secretly Avoiding Adulthood? Reasons and Solutions

Secretly Avoiding Adulthood? Reasons and Solutions

written by Laura Dabney, M.D. June 26, 2019
Secretly Avoiding Adulthood? Reasons and Solutions

There’s no roadmap for entering adulthood gracefully, and if you’re secretly avoiding big decisions or lacking confidence in your adult self, you’re not alone. During our twenties, many of us make the transition with barely a second thought, while others struggle for years to feel confident in their new adult life. The challenges that arise come in all shapes, but the heart of the issues often stem from one place: the relationship with our parents.

How to maintain a relationship with your parents while asserting your “adult-ness”?

You know you’ve reached an emotionally healthy, adult-to-adult relationship with your parents if you no longer act out of obligation to your parents in any way. You own your life choices.

If you still make decisions out of obligation toward your parents, however, you may not have fully entered adulthood. This can happen for any number of reasons. For one, maybe you didn’t rebel in your teenage years. Young adults use their emotional anger to separate. This behavior is very normal – possibly necessary – and also a clue that you’re ready to separate. If you didn’t rebel or turn away from your parents in your teenage years, you may find yourself doing so in your twenties, and depending on your parents, they may or may not be ready. If you never went through this process, you may not be ready.

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