One of the common complaints I hear from couples is that one of the partners feels that she is not important, or that the relationship itself is not important – it’s pushed aside by work or kids or whatever. Sometimes this is situational – one of you is dealing with an ill parent or work demands have ramped up.

But more often it is patterns that you’ve both fallen into.

You both feel disconnected. You may not argue, but you also don’t talk beyond mapping out the logistics of the day or week. You fall into parallel lives, daily routines with each of you doing your own thing. You really haven’t had a date night since… honestly, you don’t remember.

Time to change it. A good way of thinking about your relationship is that it is like a baby that you both created and are responsible for tending to. When the baby gets sick or isn’t doing well, you both need to be concerned and step up. You both stay attentive and are committed to seeing it thrive and grow. It’s a combination of consciously keeping the negative from getting worse and consciously making the positive a positive.