Managing personal stress is hard. Trying to manage the stress of a loved one is impossible.

When our loved ones are under extreme stress, it’s only normal to try and lighten their load. But remember that you can’t fix another’s stress because stress is a reaction to an event—not the event itself. If you see it as your job to manage someone else’s stress and relieve his symptoms, you will easily set yourself up for failure—causing more stress for everyone involved.

Here are some things to remember when you are worried about a loved one who is stressed. Understand that everyone handles stress differently.