Many divorces go along smoothly, but when problems occur, they usually reflect the dynamics that didn’t work in the marriage – only made worse, because divorce is one of the biggest crises you may go through.

Emotions, especially fear and anger, are at their peak. There are definite pitfalls to avoid, and positive steps that can save your sanity and help you move on. All divorces are unique and vary depending on:

1. The marital relationship.
2. The reason for the divorce.
3. Whether children are involved.
4. Who initiated the divorce.

Yet, there are some common issues, largely based on mistaken beliefs and strong emotions.

Mistakes to Avoid

Unfortunately, divorce is an adversarial process. It can be a mistake to assume your spouse has your best interests at heart during the divorce. Probably, he or she won’t. I’m not suggesting you act out of anger, but you may be hurt and disappointed if you assume everything will be divided without anger and that you’ll remain close friends. It’s better to expect anger, but try not to react to it. Anger, jealousy, guilt, fear, and hurt can interfere with your judgment and escalate conflict. You may remain friends, but it takes a certain amount of energy to separate. Think of the tremendous force required to split the atom. At least one spouse generally gets angry to break up the marriage.