It’s a sad day for some when your hormones are about to run out, your botox has worn off, you’re down to three fake eyelashes (the ones in the middle that make you look like you pulled an all-nighter or need glasses) and they can’t see you for an appointment for two weeks; then you realize they don’t make your favorite eyebrow pencil anymore so you have to use one that’s a shade too dark, which makes you look like a clown. If that’s not bad enough it’s about to be summer, which means black leggings are not happening, which means you are depressed that you still haven’t lost that 5, 10, 20, or 30 pounds you told yourself you would by now, which means you will now be on a diet the whole summer because you can’t fit into anything. It also means you won’t be having any fun because it’s just not fun being on a diet when everyone in the world seems to be running around naked, drinking beer and playing volleyball except you. Then you look up and realize: What about those 10 gray hairs that used to be located in one spot that have now spread like wildfire, eclipsing your entire scalp, requiring bi-monthly visits to the salon that even if you can’t afford pisses you off — and no it doesn’t matter that the new trend is young women everywhere who think it’s cool to dye their hair gray, which just pisses you off more because it reminds you how dyeing your hair used to be fun and something you wanted to do but now it’s fallen into the growing list of “have to’s.” And just when you think you can’t take another high-maintenance bell signaling something else is about to sprout up, fall off or die, you realize that beyond refilling your hormone Rx, it’s been more than a year since your last gyno exam, mammogram, or blood panel, so if you weren’t already exhausted and depressed going through this list, now you are terrified. Which makes you want to start eating, drinking, shopping, or worse — watching TV, all of which just reinforces everything you are trying to stave off.