Linda Bloom encourages you to stop being a reaction machine so you can learn to be an open human being.

When we are reaction machines, acting out our fears, we deny ourselves important information that could be enormously beneficial in terms of the larger purpose of our relationship. Successful couples have learned to bring the more skillful means of curiosity, wonder, and openness to deal with threats. No matter what the issue, they strive to be respectful in the expression of differences. Through their vulnerability and non-defensiveness, they learn from the lessons contained in each situation. This way of being allows them to remain open when things get hot. As they stay open, they see underneath the surface of reactivity to the deeper reality that underlies these emotions.