Over the last four decades, Joyce and I have counseled many couples who are suffering with their sexual relationship. Most of these couples also feel disconnected from each other. They think they can improve their overall relationship by improving their sexual relationship. This is usually a mistake. The real healing of the sexual relationship first takes place outside of the bedroom. Then the improvements in the relationship can translate into better sex.
Seven Real Reasons for Sexual Problems
1. Lack of real appreciation.
Complimenting him for cooking a great meal or her for fixing that fence gate (I’m breaking away from stereotypes) is always important. Even more important is appreciation of your partner’s deeper qualities, like the way they love your family, their courage in harder times, their beautiful sensitivity, or their sincere quest for a deeper spirituality. In every couples’ retreat, we begin by having each person tell their partner what they love most, the gifts they receive from this person, the unique qualities present in their loved one, even what they would most miss if they were not together. We even ask that the one who is listening pay close attention to the appreciations that feel the best and share these afterward. There are often tears flowing. Your deep appreciations make you more attractive to your lover.
