I think to one degree or another, we have all been in a relationship that is dysfunctional or abusive. You may even be in one currently. So here, I am going to give my current understanding, based on my experiences and observations, of why I think they exist and what is going on at a deeper level.

The Dysfunctional Relationship

The typical perspective is that there is a victim and a perpetrator. With the perpetrator being at fault and the victim being completely innocent. Now, on the surface level, we can all see that this is the case and that action needs to be taken accordingly.

However, the question I ask is – does this perspective empower us or does it make us feel completely powerless? Constantly living in the fear that a perpetrator will come into our life and make it a misery. I also ask, how is it that a perpetrator has more power than a victim? Do we automatically gain more power over others and in the world by becoming a perpetrator?

From my experience, I believe this is a two-way occurrence and that it is symbiotic. I don’t believe, though, that we consciously attract these kinds of relationships into our life. This all happens through what is going on unconsciously for us. What resides in our unconscious is everything we have repressed about ourselves, which is too painful for us to currently look at. This whole process of repression happens throughout our life and as time goes by we can quite easily forget about everything that’s stored there.